The NFL is the greatest sport on the planet. But you know what would make it even better? If the Detroit Lions didn’t exist.
Hell, if the NFL proposed replacing Detroit with another team from Chicago or Minnesota, I’d be all for it as long as it meant never having to watch, hear or read about the Lions ever again.
In professional wrestling — the second greatest sport on the planet — marquee grudge matches sometimes include a stipulation that the loser must leave town. These loser leaves town matches are great. An already intense rivalry is heated up even more by the drama of one wrestler possibly seeing his career come to an end if he loses.
If I were Roger Goodell, I’d not only make Sunday’s Packers vs. Lions game for the NFC North title, I’d make it a loser leaves town match. This is Goodell’s opportunity to get rid of the Detroit Lions — an embarrassing skid mark on the drawers of the planet’s greatest sport — once and for all.
How great would it be if we never had to tolerate the Detroit Lions again after Sunday? No more stomps. No more groin kicks. No more Suh. No more pudgy Matt Stafford. No more Calvin Johnson single-handedly making the Lions relevant. No more face-palms when bringing up the Jim Schwartz era. No more guilt over Barry Sanders being stuck on the Lions his entire career. No more Detroit Lions. Ever again. Period. Exclamation mark!
The only thing we’ll preserve from the Lions mostly-forgettable history is this play, when Brett Favre hit Sterling Sharpe late in a 1994 playoff game to beat Detroit and earn his first playoff victory. Oh, I suppose we can keep this newspaper clipping as well. It details how the Packers held Sanders to minus-one rushing yard in a 1995 playoff victory at Lambeau Field.
Some of you might be saying, “Whoa! Hold on a minute, hot shot. What if the Lions beat Green Bay and the Packers have to leave town forever. It’s not worth the risk. Don’t do it!”
The Lions beat the Packers ?!?!?! In a loser leaves town grudge match?!?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Never going to happen. Here are five reasons why:
Lacy and the line
Eddie Lacy and the Packers’ offensive line are playing at a whole new level compared to when the Lions beat the Packers in week three. During that awful game, the Lions sat with two deep safeties and shut down Lacy with only seven players in the box. It’ll be tough sledding for Lacy against the Lions admittedly great run defense, but I can’t see a repeat of week three happening again.
Diversified offense
Back in week three, the Packers’ offense was mostly the same ‘ol, same ‘ol. Snap it to Rodgers, he drops back, looks deep, runs around and tries to make a play. Since then, the Packers have mixed in their tight ends, gotten Davante Adams somewhat involved, lined up Randall Cobb in the backfield, run more “big” sets and added a few other wrinkles to create some more diversity to the offense. The Packers aren’t the same ‘ol offense and won’t be shut down by the same ‘ol cover-2 defense.
Death of the G-Force
It appears that the G-Force has finally, mercifully, been put out to pasture. Instead, the Packers have run a “Get Loud Lambeau” campaign all week. I think all “campaigns” to get fans to cheer at games are silly, but anything that gets rid of the hoky G-Force gets a pass in my book. The elimination of the G-Force does nothing but improve the Packers’ odds of winning.
Matthew Stafford
Remember when Stafford threw for 300 yards just about every game? Those days appear to be over. Stafford has never been all that great despite his gaudy passing yard stats, but even his yards are down a bit this season. When a big throw needs to be made, do we really think Stafford will be able to make it at Lambeau?
Packers’ defense
The Packers’ defense has stonewalled the Bills and Buccaneers offense in recent weeks. Yes, it’s the Bills and Buccaneers, but is the Lions offense that much better? Detroit managed to score just 36 total points against the Bears and Vikings the last two weeks. The last time the Lions faced a really good defense — Arizona on Nov. 16 and New England on Nov. 23 — they managed six and nine points, respectively. I think the Packers defense falls somewhere between the likes of New England/Arizona and Chicago/Minnesota and is more than capable of holding down the Detroit offense, much like it did in the week three loss.
In loser leaves town matches, sometimes the bad guy wrestler cheats to win. He hides and object in his trunks, then whacks the good guy with it to score a cheap victory. Or sometimes his bad-guy buddies interfere when the ref isn’t looking to steal the match. If the Lions win later today, they’ll likely have to cheat to do so, bad guy wrestler style. Here’s how:
Getting grabby
The way to slow down the Packers’ offense is to get on the nerves of their wide receivers. That means grabbing, poking, holding and bumping them downfield — straddling the line between illegal contact and good defense, then hoping the refs let it go. When teams go this route, and the refs oblige, the Packers seem incapable of overcoming it.
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Adam Czech is a a freelance sports reporter living in the Twin Cities and a proud supporter of American corn farmers. When not working, Adam is usually writing about, thinking about or worrying about the Packers. Follow Adam on Twitter. Twitter .
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Go Pack Go!
dave is a eagle fan
You rode the short bus going to school with all of the other retards.
SITTIN RIGHT NEXT TO YOU WITH YOUR EAGLE JERSEY
I Didn’t know wrestling was a sport. I thought is was play acting in underwear.
You are right!
lol… I didn’t know it was a sport either. I don’t have cable but I didn’t even know the sport still existed. You mean there’s still people that pay to see this type of ridiculous behavior when everyone knows it’s fake?
How about this. The losing team sends to the winning team products or whatnot for what that particular city is known for. So if Green Bay loses they’ll send to Detroit good old WI cheese, toilet paper, a healthy economy and a positive attitude. If Detroit loses they’ll send to Green Bay dilapidated infrastructure, chronic unemployment, high crime, plenty of drive-by shootings and a defeatist attitude where the majority rely solely on the government to survive.
Needless to say I hope Green Bay wins.
Ted
The stakes of the game are clear.
The outcome will be a function of which coach has his team ready to play to the moment.
We’re counting on you, Mike.
Adam, worst piece you ever wrote. Something should be banished but it’s not GB or Detroit.
Wrestling and the NFL should never be in the same article regardless of how the writer endeavors to make a point.
Wrestling is IMO a sport that should be talked about as much as one would discuss openly their anorectal issues….surely a better comparison can be found for the same use without the need of a condoning the the feeding of toilets as sport…..with that….
GOPACKGO !!!!!
Don’t lay an egg Mike ….
I’m surprised the absence of Dominic Raiola was not mentioned. Rookie Travis Swanson will start. He is known for his impressive string of 50 consecutive starts during his time at Arkansas. Many scouts dubbed him “the next great center.” People had doubts about Corey Linsley and look how he’s done. Hopefully for the Packers sake, Swanson has a rough inaugural visit to Lambeau! GO PACK GO!
Raiola sucks, so it will be difficult for Swanson to be much of a downgrade. On the other hand, the fact that Swanson hasn’t sent him to the bench already isn’t a very promising sign. Look for Capers to blitz CM3 up the middle a few times to see what the rook is made of.
If in fact the refs allow the Lions secondary to grab, hold etc… against the Packers receivers, then the Packer receivers must adjust and win their one on ones regardless. Also, the Packer secondary will be able to do the same to Calvin Johnson and other Lion receivers. Beyond that, I agree Adam, our OL and defense will carry the day. As for wrestling, that was once a legitimate sport, it has become over the last 30-40 years nothing more than a cheap circus act and even that it is an insult to circus acts. Go Pack Go! Thanks, Since ’61