A freak storm swelled in Lake Michigan last Sunday, the likes of which have never been seen around those parts. It started somewhere in the Upper Peninsula, probably cause by some massive fusion of Yooper flatulence. As the storm grew and built in intensity, it swiftly moved South and touched down on Lombardi Ave in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
Not content with swirling around the exterior confines of Lambeau Field, the storm ripped through the Packers locker room just as they were preparing to take the field. We don’t know what happened in that locker room, but the Packers were inexplicably transformed into a school of Bear-eating sharks.
What the storm spit out onto that field was an eruption of heat-seeking missiles in the form of Aaron Rodgers’ TD passes and Clay Matthews’…, well, just Clay Matthews. They were everywhere, and there was no stopping either of them.
Right behind were the rest of the Packers Elasmobranchii (look it up), surrounding and attacking the Bears like they were the piece of meat hanging from a shark cage.
The Bears were helpless against the swirling Packnado. Jay Cutler was no chainsaw-wielding Fin to be the hero and save the day. Jared Allen was no Matt to jump in a helicopter and drop bombs to blow up the Rodgers Packnado.
Unlike in the movies, the Packnado won this battle. And the word “win” doesn’t do justice to what happened.
The Bears were swallowed up, masticated and spit out like chum back into Lake Michigan where they floated helplessly back to Chicago.
In other words, it was a happy ending.
Jersey Al Bracco is the founder and editor of AllGreenBayPackers.com, and the co-founder of Packers Talk Radio Network. He can be heard as one of the Co-Hosts on Cheesehead Radio and is the Green Bay Packers Draft Analyst for Drafttek.com.