Remember the old Loony Tunes cartoons when a giant safe (or sometimes an anvil, piano or another large object) would drop out of the sky and onto a character’s head? Nobody ever died, but they got knocked silly, usually symbolized by stars swirling around the character’s head.
What if Green Bay Packers general manager Ted Thompson was walking down the sidewalk one day and somebody (perhaps an enraged fan who’s still mad Thompson didn’t trade for Marshawn Lynch in 2010) drops a giant safe on his head? What if Thompson survives the safe-dropping, but he’s knocked silly and the stars swirl around his head the rest of this offseason?
Here are five things a knocked-silly Thompson might do this offseason that a normal Thompson likely would not do:
- Sign Ndomukong Suh. At the very least, putting Suh on the Packers would probably get him to stop stomping, kicking and stepping on Green Bay players. I’m always skeptical about giving interior defensive linemen who you didn’t draft and develop yourself a mega contract. The failed Albert Haynesworth experiment in Washington is still in my head. But there’s no doubt Suh is a helluva player. Detroit didn’t play in a 3-4 defense, but I’m sure Suh would figure out what he needs to do in Dom Capers’ scheme.
- Acquire Percy Harvin. Like signing Suh, Harvin to the Packers has also been speculated. I’d like Harvin returning kicks. I’d also like him as a change-of-pace/homerun threat ballcarrier out of the backfield. I’m not sure how he’d do as a receiver with the Packers. Aaron Rodgers seems to like his receivers to run disciplined routes and understand the ins and outs of the offense as well as he does. Harvin isn’t that type of receiver. But he is ultra-talented, so I’m sure Rodgers would figure out some way to fit Harvin in (as long as he’s not causing some kind of disturbance in the locker room).
- Trade for Lavonte David. The Packers desperately need an inside linebacker. David is a very good inside linebacker on a bad team in Tampa Bay. The Bucs could use some additional draft picks to rebuild. The Packers could use David to try and win a Super Bowl. Seems like a deal knocked-silly Thompson would be up for making.
- Draft TE Maxx Williams in the first round. The Packers have a huge hole at inside linebacker. They’ll also have a need at tackle if Bryan Bulaga signs elsewhere and at cornerback if Tramon Williams doesn’t return. But a knocked-silly Thompson (and also several Packers fans) would probably love to see Williams catching passes from Rodgers. If you don’t know who Williams is, check this out. He’s only 20 years old. The kid has a good chance to be a stud.
- Share all the details of the Brett Favre saga from 2008. After Thompson signs Suh and Harvin, trades for David and drafts Williams, he’ll need to unwind and relax a little. Normally, Thompson relaxes by locking himself in a dark room with a stack of film on prospects that nobody has ever heard of. But knocked-silly Thompson will go a different route. He’ll call in an assistant to help him figure out his iPhone camera. Then he’ll sit down with a glass of Scotch and record himself talking in-depth about everything that happened — both publicly and behind closed doors — during the 2008 Favre kerfuffle.
Honestly, the odds are much better that Thompson, knocked silly or completely coherent, would do items 1-4 before he even thinks about doing No. 5.
Packers News, Notes and Links
- What was your favorite A.J. Hawk moment in Green Bay? The Packers released Hawk on Wednesday. I’ll miss his helmet always falling off. It’s weird, but I kind of already miss Hawk, even though all I did was complain about him every Sunday. I guess when a player is round as long as Hawk was, you get attached, even if he wasn’t that good.
- The Packers are going to let Randall Cobb hit the free-agent market. No wait! They’re still trying to sign him before free agency opens. The NFL offseason, with its leaked storylines and narratives coming from agents, players and teams, is in full effect.
- Michelle Bruton at Bleacher Report says the Packers need to address inside linebacker in the draft, but they don’t necessarily have to do it in round 1. I’m not a draftnik, but I keep hearing that there aren’t many inside linebackers in this year’s class with first-round talent. No need for Ted to reach if he thinks he can get a contributing inside linebacker in later rounds.
- Brandon Bostick wrote about the onside kick fiasco in the NFC Championship for MMQB.com. Bostick is coping with what happened by being as open and honest about it as possible. If I were him, I’d retreat into a shell and never bring it up ever again. I’d bury it deep in my soul and hope it just goes away. I’m not saying I disagree with Bostick being so open about the play, it’s just fascinating to me how different personalities handle different situations. Oh, and if you’re one of the people who sent Bostick death threats after the game, Jersey Al has a message for you.
Non Packers links and other Nonsense
- Can we please stop comparing people we disagree with politically to Nazis? Or, in the case of Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker and unions, to ISIS?
- iOOTP will now be called MLB Manager. It’ll be released on iOS and Android in the spring and come with a full MLB license. If you’re unfamiliar with Out of the Park Baseball, it’s the best video game ever. The mobile version was previously called iOOTP, and can now be downloaded for free.
- This is a good read about why many reasonable people doubt science.
- Sadly, Parks and Recreation came to an end this week. Then we got to see April and Garry Gergich make out on Late Night with Seth Myers.
Adam Czech is a a freelance sports reporter living in the Twin Cities and a proud supporter of American corn farmers. When not working, Adam is usually writing about, thinking about or worrying about the Packers. Follow Adam on Twitter. Twitter .