“I wonder what is going through Brett Favre’s head right now?”
After all, Favre privately swore to stick it to Packers general manager Ted Thompson after he was sent by Thompson to the New York Jets when he and coach Mike McCarthy decided to move on with Aaron Rodgers as their starting quarterback after Favre waffled on his earlier decision to retire.
With Super Bowl XLV now behind us, let’s dig into that scary place that is the mind of one Brett Lorenzo Favre. I’ll take the key plays from each quarter and try to retroactively read the mind of No. 4.
One disclaimer: Some of this is meant to be humorous. I’m not a psychiatrist nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. Some adult themes may also be present.
That said, here we go: (Warning: Adult content/themes ahead)
“Look at this. All these pregame people talking about me and I’m not even there. I guess this counts as me making another Super Bowl! That was easy!”
“Wonder if I can get Christina Aguilera’s phone number?” (botched anthem line) “Aw C’mon girl. this ain’t the ice capades!”
Kickoff: “Wow look at all those cell phone camera flashes. Why does everyone still have their pants on?”
Rodgers to Nelson TD: “Jordy Nelson? Psssh. I had Bill Schroeder. Token white receiver.”
Nick Collins Pick Six: “Aw, man I thought Ben knew better. You throw those in the FOURTH quarter, when the game is on the line.”
Driver goes down to an ankle injury: “Man, now I have to root for the Steelers. The only guy I still liked on the Packers is out. Hey, won’t be the first time I’ve changed my mind mid-game.”
Jarrett Bush interception: “Keep it up, Ben. If there’s one thing you’re good at, it’s throwing balls at carpet.”
Rodgers to Jennings, 21 yard TD: “No, No Aaron. You throw those balls when there are three defenders already in front of the receiver, not before. See why I never talked to you? You don’t listen.”
Woodson goes down: “See why I could never win in Dallas? The stadium hates the Packers. It wasn’t my fault.”
Roethlisberger to Ward, 8 yard touchdown: “Yep, Packers are going to lose. Knew they couldn’t win one without me.”
Black Eyed Peas: “Shouldn’t they be The Neon Peas?”
Slash: “How nice. A little tribute to me, an aging rock star who has no business being on this stage. Bet Axl Rose must have pissed him off. Stick it to ‘em, man!”
Fergie: “Wonder if she knows ‘Pants on the ground?’ ”
Suisham shanks a 52 yard field goal: “Brett Conway? Is that you?”
Mendenhall scores on an 8 yard run: “Game over. Rodgers will continue the Packer tradition of boneheaded throws in key moments of big games.”
Matthews forces Mendenhall fumble: “Man, he looks like Kevin Greene out there.”
Jennings 8 yard TD: “It’s the fourth quarter, man. That pass should have gone to a Steeler. You never learn!”
Wallace 2 point conversion: “Nice style Ben, but you gotta underhand those and be going to the ground when you do it. Nice effort though.”
Packers stop Steelers on 4th and 5, sealing the win: “It ain’t over. Aaron could fumble the snap. I know I could.”
Aaron Rodgers named MVP: “Whatever. Doesn’t mean much. We cut Desmond Howard after 1996. Guess that means Rodgers will be cut this offseason so I can come back? How cool is that?”
McCarthy hoists the Lombardi Trophy: “Enjoy Packers fans. In two years he will be general manager for the Seahawks just like Holmgren. Hey, they’re both named MIKE!”
Thompson hoists Lombardi Trophy: “You’re welcome, Ted. Had I not put you through all that in 2008, you wouldn’t be there today. This victory belongs to me. So I should get a ring too. Please?”
OK, Kris here again. Boy, it’s hard to type in an “aw shucks” southern drawl. It’s even harder to do that and try to act sincere at the same time. I don’t know how Brett does it.
Anyway, I had a cartoon in my head after the Super Bowl: One half says “2008” and shows Favre sticking his tongue out at Thompson and McCarthy. The other side says “2011” and has Favre on his knees with his arms wrapped around Thompson crying “I’m so sorry! Let me back, please!!!!!”
So what really went through the mind of Brett Favre on Feb. 6, 2011?
I have no clue. He may actually be genuinely happy for the Packers, but I think if that were truly the case he would have phoned someone in the organization by now and he hasn’t. I don’t think they’ll accept his texts.
Brett, if you want reconciliation with the Packers you will have to make the first move. We’re enjoying life too much without you to really care at this point.——————
Kris Burke is a sports writer covering the Green Bay Packers for AllGreenBayPackers.com and WTMJ in Milwaukee. He is a member of the Pro Football Writers of America (PFWA) and his work has been linked to by sites such as National Football Post and CBSSports.com. Follow @KrisLBurke