EXCLUSIVE: ALLGBP.com reveals the 2015 Packers schedule

Why wait until 7 p.m. Central Tuesday night for the 2015 NFL and Green Bay Packers schedules to be announced? An exclusive source has revealed this year’s Packers’ schedule ahead of the official announcement.

Here’s the full Packers schedule, complete with reasoning why the NFL scheduled each Packers game where it did: (Humor)

Sunday, Sept. 6, 7:30 p.m. – Packers vs. Rams
The NFL feels bad about the Packers choking away their chances at a Super Bowl in Seattle. To help Green Bay recover, the league is giving the Packers a prime-time Sunday night game against the Rams to start the season. Beating the Rams 64-8 on national TV should be a great first step in helping Green Bay forget about what happened in Seattle.

Thursday, Sept. 10, 7:30 p.m. – Packers vs. Chiefs
Because most Packers starters will be pulled by the middle of the second quarter during the demolition of the Rams, the Packers should be adequately rested to play on the following Thursday. Kansas City is the opponent because you can’t put Packers vs. Chiefs on a weekend. These are two of the biggest eating and drinking fan bases in the NFL. If this game is played on a Sunday, both fan bases would eat the entire Midwest section of the United States out of red meat and drink the region dry of Miller Lite by kickoff.

Monday, Sept. 21, 7:30 p.m. – Packers at Bears
The Packers are back in prime time once again. The NFL gives the Packers this Monday night game because watching an early-season Jay Cutler meltdown on national TV is always fun.

Sunday, Sept. 27, 3:30 p.m. – Cowboys at Packers
The NFL needs to capitalize on the “Dez Bryant is still angry about the not-quite-a-catch call” storyline from last year’s playoffs before Bryant gets arrested and sentenced to life in prison at Guantanamo Bay.

Week 5. Packers bye

Sunday, Oct. 11, 3:30 p.m. – Seahawks vs. Packers
This is my wife’s birthday and it’d be a lot of fun to watch the Packers beat the Seahawks on my wife’s birthday. The NFL recognizes this important fact and scheduled this game accordingly.

Sunday, Oct. 18, 3:30 p.m. – Packers at Raiders
The Seahawks are a damn good team, so the NFL essentially gives the Packers a second bye week to recover by putting this Raiders game immediately after the battle with Seattle (which takes place on my wife’s birthday).

Sunday, Oct. 25, 3:30 p.m. – Packers at 49ers
Since the weather is starting to turn cold in Green Bay, the NFL scheduled the Raiders/49ers games in consecutive weeks so the Packers can just stay in California instead of returning to the cold of Green Bay. Thanks Roger Goodell.

Sunday, Nov. 1, noon – Packers at Panthers
There’s never a compelling reason to put a Panthers game in any time slot besides noon on a Sunday, so the Packers finally get out of the prime time/late afternoon slot.

Sunday, Nov. 8, noon – Lions at Packers
See above. But replace “Panthers” with “Lions.”

Sunday, Nov. 15, noon — Packers at Vikings
See above. But replace “Lions” with “Vikings.”

Monday, Nov. 23, 7:30 p.m. – Packers at Broncos
*Hank Williams, Jr. voice* It’s Aaron Rodgers vs. the Corpse of Peyton Manning, here on Monday night!

Sunday, Nov. 29, noon – Chargers at Packers
This game seems like it’s better than a noon on Sunday slot, but by this time the Chargers are losing every game by 9 touchdowns because Philip Rivers intentionally throws a pick on every possession to try and get the Chargers to release him so he doesn’t have to play in Los Angeles next year.

Sunday, Dec. 6, noon – Packers Lions
This will be the traditional away game in Detroit where the Packers don’t bother showing up and get destroyed. At least three key Packers players will suffer injuries. Hopefully none of them are named Aaron or Rodgers.

Sunday, Dec. 13, 7:30 p.m. – Packers at Cardinals
Arizona is everyone’s “sleeper” pick to win the Super Bowl in 2015, which means they’ll have two wins by the time this game rolls around. Look for this game to get flexed to Sunday afternoon.

Sunday, Dec. 20, noon – Bears at Packers
Sunday, Dec. 20, 3:30 p.m. – Vikings at Packers
No, that is not a misprint. The Packers play back-to-back games on the same day, first against the Bears, then against the Vikings. Packers president Mark Murphy sold this idea to Roger Goodell as the latest NFL money-making gimmick to squeeze every last dollar possible out of late-season games involving the Lions and Vikings, two teams nobody cares about come December. Mike McCarthy will go for it because once his squad wins both games (easily), it’ll give his team an extra bye week before the playoffs.

What are your thoughts on the Packers 2015 schedule? I’ve been looking at it for the last 23 hours and I still don’t see a loss. Well, maybe the traditional collapse in Detroit, but that won’t be too huge of a deal.

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Adam Czech is a a freelance sports reporter living in the Twin Cities and a proud supporter of American corn farmers. When not working, Adam is usually writing about, thinking about or worrying about the Packers. Follow Adam on Twitter. Twitter .

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  • Big T

    We control our own destiny with this schedule. “The only thing we have to fear, is fear (TT) itself.”

  • Since ’61

    Adam – I appreciate the humor! Thanks, Since ’61

  • jp

    I like the humor, but your season starts a week early

  • dobber

    I would be nice if the league put the schedule together like this…it does a reasonable job of splitting up some of the games that we are perceiving at this point as being the more challenging games on the schedule.

  • Packer fan

    Am I the only one that likes the fact that Green Bay gets to beat the Bears and vikings on the same day and I get to watch my favorite team for 6hours

  • Packer fan

    I can see Green Bay going 11-4 losing to Detroit Denver Seattle and the 49ers

    • packer fan

      that would be 12-4

    • packerd

      And I can see you becoming a Bears’ fan , because your to dumb to be a Packers fan.

  • Mark in Portland

    Are the dates humor too or are they the actual dates, except for the “double header”?

  • Richard, retired bounty hunter

    You idiot, we reserved a hotel in Arizona based on this schedule. I will find you if it’s not true.

  • Richard, retired bounty hunter

    Adam, I’m going to talk to you about Jesus